I Dare You Armchair Assholes to Be a Developer for One Hour

You’d Last 54 Minutes. Maybe

Let’s get something straight:

You think developers are greedy, lazy fat cats who jack up prices for fun? That we sit around all day counting cash while families can’t afford homes?

I dare you.

Yeah, you—marksballssmell369 from Twitter. The guy with all the hot takes on “corrupt developers ruining the market.” The guy who’s never signed a personal guarantee or risked a dime of his own money.

I dare you to step into my polished office chair for just one hour.

You’d last 54 minutes—max.

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Here’s a slice of what really goes down in an average hour:

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8:00 a.m. – My Realtor Calls
“Hey Darryl, remember that deal we signed yesterday? The seller’s agent just called. He says they made a mistake on the APS—his client wants to back out.”

Wait... what? We have a binding contract. Deposit’s in. Conditions waived. Everything signed, sealed, and delivered. But now, out of nowhere, the seller decides they’re having second thoughts, and I’m supposed to just understand?

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8:15 a.m. – The Mortgage Broker Emails
“Quick update, Darryl! The lender’s now asking for a pre-lease on the retail, a full environmental report (clean, no conditions), updated structural drawings, and an extra 2% fee. Oh, and they’ll need that by end of day.”

Appreciate the heads-up. Could’ve mentioned that before I spent $100K on consultants, but hey—details, right?

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8:30 a.m. – The City Planner Emails
“Hi Darryl, your zoning application review flagged an issue. It appears your project will cast a 15-minute shadow on a proposed community garden during the spring equinox. We’ll need an updated shadow impact study, a community engagement report, and a revised massing model before we can proceed.”

A shadow. On a proposed garden. That doesn’t even exist yet.

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8:45 a.m. – My Phone Starts Blowing Up
Plumber: “You got anything coming up next month?”
Electrician: “Hey, can I block off my guys for that Forest Hill job?”
Drywaller: “You still planning to tender that mid-rise soon? My crews are hungry!”

Guys, I love the hustle, but I’m not running a charity. I can’t keep 20 trades busy when I’m waiting for a shadow study on a hypothetical garden that the city just invented.

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9:30 a.m. – The Day Throws a Curveball
I’m trying to finalize a new proforma for one project, review the insurance policy for another, and negotiate the contract for the transportation study on a third when...

My site super texts:
“Hey, Darryl, there’s a guy here from the Ministry of Labour. Says we’re being fined because a mailbox on one of our sites wasn’t installed at the ‘ergonomically appropriate height’ for Canada Post standards. Wants a cheque today.”

A mailbox. Not installed at the correct height.

Meanwhile, I’m sitting here trying to figure out if we can squeeze another 10 basis points on the financing to cover a city-mandated “green roof” that’s going to leak like a sieve, while the insurance broker is telling me my premiums are going up 30% because of “market volatility.”

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9:45 a.m. – I Lean Back in My Chair and Breathe

Let’s do a quick tally:

• Seller’s agent trying to weasel out of a signed deal.

• Mortgage broker throwing last-minute conditions.

• City planner losing it over a 15-minute shadow.

• Trades banging down my door looking for work.

• A Ministry of Labour fine for a mailbox.

• Three different projects spinning in the air like chainsaws.

And here’s the kicker—most projects barely make a profit.
By the time you pay the brokers, the architects, the engineers, the city, the lawyers, the consultants, the permit fees, the marketing teams, the salespeople, the commissions, the loan fees, the taxes, the Tarion fees, the warranty reserves, the insurance, the risk premiums, and—God forbid—your own modest office rent and staff...

There’s often not much left.

But yeah, sure. Let’s just keep calling developers greedy.

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And you should see what the afternoons are like.

Oh, and do you think we get evenings off?

I have to go out for dinner and schmooze investors, pitch the next big deal, make sure everyone feels good about the risk. Then at 2:00 a.m., I get calls from crazy tenants threatening to put voodoo curses on me and my family.

I’ve been jumped by a tenant, beaten up, and sued by the same tenant—all in the same month.

But yeah, tell me again how easy this business is and how we don’t deserve to make any money because housing is a human right. Bite me.

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So, marksballssmell369 from Twitter—
The next time you want to pop off about “developer greed” and how easy this business is, remember:

I dare you.

Try being me for an hour.

Spoiler alert:
You wouldn’t make it past 54 minutes without crying for your mom.